One day at a time....

    I have been wanting to start a blog for sometime now, one because I hate actually writing and two I need to get my thoughts out there... even if no one reads them.
   Two weeks ago my dad passed away from brain cancer. We all knew it was coming and in some ways we had time to prepare ourselves for what was to come, but can you ever really prepare yourself for someone to die? NO! I am so thankful that  my dad got to meet my son and we were lucky enough to be able to spend time with him in his last days and truly what a blessing that was but at the same time having to watch someone you love suffer continuously is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. Every moment of it is painful and frustrating.
   Now that he is gone there are days where I feel fine, like my life is getting back to normal and then I read something or my son starts laughing and it breaks my heart that my dad will never get to see those things, or maybe he does. I hope to believe that he is watching from where he is and even though he isn't here in his body that he gets to be there with us when our babies turn one, when my brothers get married and when our kids graduate... all the things that dads and Grandpa's should be there for.
    I have never felt angry with God... angry at the situation and how unfair it is for sure but God did not cause this. I do wonder and have a hard time understanding why he let it happen... why him? We will never know that, maybe Jesus missed my dad and needed him up there more than we needed him here. I do know this though, that one day I will get to see him again, and that hope always brings tears to my eyes.