So in spite of the current economic situation I believe my plan next year will once again be working at Red Robin and substitute teaching. These two things aren't necessarily a bad thing at all however not really what I want to be doing. There are a few upsides... I get to spend more time with my baby and we get to put some money away, however with that said it also means I see Kavin a lot less, have a chaotic schedule that is not consistent and am constantly reminded daily of what I want and can't have! Trying at time, for sure.
I am really trying to trust God with this whole not having a plan thing. I know that he will give me everything I NEED, but I also know this is not always with the everything I want. His timing is perfect, and yes I have to remind myself of this daily.... actually sometimes hourly. I like a plan... I don't like waiting and I hate not knowing what is going to happen so this is a big stretch for me. At the same time as me being afraid of what is coming next I am reminded of how he has provided for me in the past. When Kavin and I started trying to have a baby, it took seven months and I tracked everything, wrote it all down and month after month nothing happened until the day I truly, not half heartedly like all the other months said " ok, God I give it to you!" and that happened to be the month we got pregnant. Because we got pregnant at that time I chose not to look for a full time teaching position with a 10 wk old baby, and in turn have been able to spend this whole year only working part time and watching Kaleb grow. In turn again, I got to spend precious time with my dad as he was dying of cancer which I would not of been able to do if I was working full time. So... once again I am reminded of how he is great and just like he says over and over " I will give you all the desires of your heart if you trust in me."
So God, here I am trusting that you will provide what we need, even though it might not be what I want for right now!
Psalm 138:8 "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me."
ReplyDeleteYou have the beautiful gift of reflection, which allows you to maintain a positive attitude when others would have pouted and cried out to God, "not fair!" His plan is always exceedingly, abundantly more than we ever wish for or imagine. But sometimes, even though we know that in our minds, we can't convince our hearts it's okay. At least not for a little way.
Hold on to your faith, and His promise. I'll be praying for your family.
Emily-you are great : ) I know it is so so hard, us planners sometimes make messes for ourselves just trying to organize everything! And I have been encouraged by your attitude of "Ok God, what are you trying to teach me in all of this?" It has helped me to apply that same truth and experience a whole new level of His love and grace for us. Keep up the Good work. A good attitude is like rich soil, perfectly tilled, moist and READY for everything that God wants to plant in your life!
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